Setting boundaries in your relationship doesn’t mean you’re shutting your partner out or trying to distance yourself. Healthy boundaries can actually make your relationship stronger. Couples who establish boundaries are able to maintain individual identities and build self-esteem. Their relationships are often more intimate since communication and vulnerability are both strong.
With that in mind, let’s look at how you can set healthy boundaries in your relationship and start enjoying the connection that comes with them.
Start With Respect
If you want to avoid some of the common misconceptions about boundaries, make sure both you and your partner set them with intentional respect. If you sit down with a list of demands and don’t explain them, or you want your partner to respect your needs, but you aren’t willing to respect theirs, things aren’t going to work.
Instead, choose to respect those needs before you even start talking about them. It might be helpful to have a conversation about setting boundaries before you actually do it. It can help you both decide what that means to you and what healthy boundaries in your relationship might look like. Not only will being respectful of each other’s needs make it easier to talk about them, but you’ll know that there are things you can do to make your relationship more secure.
Don’t Be Afraid to Be Vulnerable
Setting boundaries only works if you’re honest with yourself and your partner. That requires vulnerability, which isn’t easy for some people. Maybe you’ve been hurt in the past, or you have a hard time trusting someone. That’s understandable, but you’ll have to work on overcoming it if you want to be honest about your needs and wants.
Vulnerability is an important key to improved communication. The last thing you want is to feel “forced” into situations you don’t enjoy because you’re too afraid to speak up about your needs. Once you’ve established a baseline of respect for each other, you can take a deep breath and know that your partner will be an active listener. They won’t judge you for those needs, and they’ll do their best to understand them. You can offer them the same comfort in return.
Tell Your Partner When You Need Space
Some people hear the words “I need space” and panic. But needing space in your relationship is perfectly normal. In fact, it’s often a healthy way to help you maintain your identity and understand who you are outside of your relationship.
When you set healthy boundaries, you and your partner need to develop the understanding that space isn’t a bad thing. Encourage your partner to explore their interests and do the same for yourself. You can talk about those interests with each other and get involved if you want to. But, most importantly, allowing yourself and your partner some alone time will likely make your connection even stronger when you’re together.
Be an Active Listener
Respecting your partner’s needs when you’re setting boundaries is important, but it’s just as important to make sure you fully understand them. Boundaries in a relationship aren’t a one-way street. If you expect your partner to respect your needs, you have to be willing to listen to theirs, too. That doesn’t mean just hearing what they have to say—it means actively listening. Use nonverbal cues to let them know you understand them. Ask questions. Repeat certain phrases to make sure you fully grasp the scope of what they’re saying. Being an active listener takes effort—that’s the point.
Don’t be afraid of the word “boundaries,” especially in your romantic relationship. Some of the healthiest, happiest couples have strong boundaries in place, and they’re closer because of it. Reach out to learn more about the benefits of couples counseling.
