The literal and physical pain another person can cause you in a relationship can be devastating. Physical abuse is often easy to spot and even easier to understand. But there are many other types of abuse that can impact your relationship and your life.
Narcissistic abuse might not be as obvious or black and white as its physical counterpart. It might even be harder to spot than mental or emotional abuse. But it’s just as serious and can change the dynamic of your relationship and the way you view yourself.
Let’s take a closer look at what narcissistic abuse really is and how you can determine if it’s happening in your relationship.
Defining a Narcissist
Narcissistic abuse begins with a narcissistic person. When someone is so full of themselves that they can see no fault in their behaviors or actions, they can easily shift the blame to whoever is nearby. When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, the person on the receiving end is usually you. Narcissists rarely have the ability to feel empathy. They are interested in their own gain and will use manipulation tactics in relationships to get what they want.
That might come from gaslighting, lying, or trying to twist your words to make you feel like you’re in the wrong—even when you’re not. The main goal of a narcissist is constant admiration. Some might be secretly insecure and seeking consistent validation. Others have lived with an inflated view of themselves forever.
Dating a Narcissist
A relationship with a narcissist will, more often than not, have you doubting yourself at every turn. They will manipulate you in such ways that make you lose your sense of self-worth. You’ll blame yourself for everything. You might even end up apologizing to your partner all the time, even when you know you haven’t done anything wrong.
What’s perhaps worse is that some narcissists will try to keep you from family members and friends through manipulation. You might start to withdraw from people who truly love and care about you. You might even start to believe some of the manipulative lies you’re being told if you have no one else in your corner to support you. It becomes even more difficult to “break free” from the relationship when that happens.
Dealing With a Narcissist
Wondering how you got here? If so, you’re not alone. Most narcissists work in stages. They aren’t necessarily manipulative right away. Think back to the beginning of your relationship. Was your partner different? Did they “love bomb” you and treat you extremely well? When did that start to change? Over time, narcissists will turn from idealization to devaluation and repetition. They will continue to say and do things that devalue you as a person, as well as devalue your role in the relationship. Eventually, they’re likely to either become bored or realize they can’t manipulate you forever. In those cases, it’s not uncommon to be “discarded” by your partner, so they can move on to an easier target.
One of the best things you can do is beat them to the punch. Once you recognize the signs of narcissistic abuse in your relationship, it’s essential to take action. While some people can change, it’s not likely that a narcissist will see themselves (or you) any differently. Lean on your support system as much as possible. Practice self-care and understand your value. Most importantly, don’t hesitate to reach out for relationship counseling if you’re really struggling.
You can absolutely find freedom from a narcissistic relationship, but you have to be willing to break away from the proverbial chains your partner has put you in. You are worth it.
