Adopting healthy communication habits in your relationship is important. The better you and your partner communicate, the closer you’ll become and the fewer issues you’ll run into.
Even the healthiest, happiest couples argue and disagree. So, don’t assume that more communication means you’ll never have “fights” with your partner. However, when you know how to communicate effectively, your arguments can actually end up bringing you closer.
There are important things to include in your communication efforts and important things to avoid. Let’s cover a few of them so you can make the most of healthy communication with your partner.
Do: Lead With Respect
Respect should be at the forefront of every interaction you have with your partner. Your conversations will never go anywhere if you don’t respect each other. You won’t be able to strengthen your bond, foster intimacy, or even build trust.
When your partner feels belittled or that their opinions and feelings don’t matter to you (or vice versa), they’re likely to shut down. Not only will they be less willing to talk about things in the future, but they’ll have a harder time showing you respect, as well.
Don’t: Play the Blame Game
One of the worst things you can do when communicating with your partner is say, “You always…”
First, it’s never a good idea to speak in absolutes. If your partner does something consistently that bothers you or hurts you, it still shouldn’t be exaggerated to make them feel like it’s a part of their identity.
Second, when you start a sentence with “you,” your partner is likely to feel like they have to defend themselves instantly. They might not even be able to fully understand what you’re saying because they’re so distracted by their instinct to speak up for themselves.
Instead of playing the blame game, lead with “I” statements. Let your partner know how things make you feel rather than pointing fingers.
Do: Be an Active Listener
Communication is about more than just speaking. You wouldn’t feel valued or “heard” if your partner continuously tried to control every conversation or if they only talked about themselves without listening to what you said. So, make sure you’re not doing that to them.
An important part of healthy communication is listening—not just hearing. Being an active listener means truly investing yourself in what your partner is saying. Make eye contact. Use nonverbal cues to let them know you’re paying attention. Ask questions.
When you choose to listen actively, you’ll learn more about your partner, and they’re more likely to give you the same kind of attention in return.
Don’t: Let Distractions Get in the Way
There’s no denying that we live in a stressful, fast-paced, digital world. It’s easy to get distracted by everything from a busy schedule to kids or even a smartphone. Unfortunately, these everyday distractions can get in the way of real, healthy communication.
It’s not enough to chat with your partner each night while you’re trying to watch a show and they’re scrolling on their phone. Don’t let distractions keep you from really connecting with each other or losing track of what really matters in your relationship.
No matter how busy you both are, choose to prioritize communication. If that means scheduling time each week to sit down and talk without distractions, then that’s exactly what you need to do. If you let distractions start to take over, your communication will become less and less, and it will lead to misunderstandings in your relationship.
Communication doesn’t have to be complicated. When you choose to prioritize connection, treat each other with respect, and truly listen rather than trying to take control, you’ll find that healthy communication will greatly improve your relationship.
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Don’t hesitate to reach out to learn more about couples counseling.
