If you’re a codependent person, you probably put the needs of others above your own. While that might not seem like a bad thing, on the surface, it can lead to unhealthy relationships. Codependency is often the result of strained childhood relationships. If you had parents with poor boundaries and your needs were rarely met, you can become a codependent adult. You might have low self-worth and feel disconnected from your own needs and desires.
Unfortunately, codependent people don’t always realize there’s a problem because they’ve had these traits for as long as they can remember. So, what can you do to determine if you’re codependent? Let’s look at some of the most common signs.
1. You Need Approval From Others
Everyone wants people to like them. As humans, we all want to be accepted. However, there’s a difference between wanting acceptance and needing constant approval from the people in your life. Codependent people often go to great lengths to please others–especially in relationships. If you’ve been told that you’re a “people pleaser,” you might take that as a compliment. However, when you put the needs of everyone else above your own, you’ll start to lose your own identity, and your life will be rooted in the needs of others just because you’re seeking their approval.
2. You Avoid Conflict
When you’re codependent, your self-worth depends on how others think about you. As a result, most codependent people avoid conflict as much as possible. Even if your feelings are hurt, or you know someone else is wrong, you’ll keep it to yourself to avoid a disagreement. Doing that for too long will make people realize they can walk all over you and get their way around you no matter what.
3. You Feel Responsible for the Actions of Others
One of the biggest issues codependent people face in relationships is blaming everything on themselves. No one is perfect. Even if you have a wonderful partner, they’re going to make mistakes. When you have codependency, you’re quick to blame those mistakes on yourself or feel responsible for them. If your partner treats you poorly or does something to damage the relationship, you might still find ways to blame yourself or take responsibility for their actions.
4. You Struggle With Low Self-Esteem
When you’re putting all of your focus on other people and trying to please everyone, you’re going to spend less time taking care of yourself. If people take advantage of you, that can start to affect your self-esteem. You can lose sight of who you are and question your value and purpose. As a codependent person, it’s easy to place your identity into the relationships you surround yourself with. Unfortunately, the more you cater to others with nothing in return, the easier it is to lose yourself and your sense of self-worth.
5. You Don’t Like Change
Not everyone is great with change, but when you’re codependent, it can have a hugely negative impact on your overall well-being. Codependent people have a hard time trusting others. You might automatically assume the worst or even become incredibly anxious when facing an unexpected change. That kind of fear or uncertainty can cause your “symptoms” of codependency to go into overdrive, so you’ll be even more focused on pleasing others and doing what you can to avoid abandonment.
If any of these symptoms sound familiar, don’t worry. There’s a silver lining to codependency. You can overcome many of these issues and learn to be in healthy, balanced relationships. Relationship counseling for individuals is one of the best ways to deal with codependency. Not only will you get to the root cause of it, but you’ll learn the skills necessary to prioritize yourself and your well-being. Let’s connect soon.
