Communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. Sometimes, though, healthy communication isn’t easy. You might have different communication styles, or you might be prone to disagreements.
Typically, couples can work through those issues and find ways to connect.
However, another communication hurdle can arise when your partner has a condition like ADHD. It doesn’t mean healthy communication is impossible. But, you might have to adjust your efforts and find different ways to express yourself and hear what your partner is really saying.
With that in mind, let’s look at a few ways you can better communicate with your ADHD partner.
1. Don’t Judge
The most important thing you can do to open up the lines of communication is not to judge or criticize your partner for their disorder. They’re probably just as frustrated about it as you are.
People with ADHD don’t choose their behaviors, and they aren’t trying to be “difficult” on purpose. Chances are, your partner has been dealing with symptoms since childhood. Instead of trying to get them to change, learn to accept the differences in how you communicate so you can better work through them.
2. Give Your Partner Full Attention
This is important in any relationship, but it’s especially necessary when you’re talking to someone with ADHD.
When you and your partner are communicating, focus on them. Don’t let other things distract you. In fact, try not to allow other distracting things to be in the same room. You’ll both be more likely to stay focused, and your partner might feel calmer if they know you’re listening directly to them and they don’t have anything else that can draw their attention away.
3. Don’t Let Things Bother You
Everyone wants to feel heard, understood, and valued in a relationship.
Unfortunately, you might not always feel that way with an ADHD partner. You might think they’re too distracted to pay attention. Or, they might forget something you said—even if it was important.
Of course, those things are going to sting. But you can’t take it personally. Your partner isn’t actively ignoring what you say or choosing to forget important things you’ve told them. You have to be willing to look past the condition. They’ll feel terrible enough about it when you bring it to their attention, so don’t hold a grudge or continue to criticize over a disorder they can’t control.
4. Look Inward
If there’s a communication breakdown in your relationship, it might feel easier to “blame” it all on your partner. But that’s not fair to either of you.
Consider your own communicative role in the relationship and how you’re working on it. There is always room for improvement, especially as you and your partner change and evolve over the years.
Don’t just play the blame game and assume you’re doing everything right. Where do you struggle when it comes to communication? Where could you improve? How could you make things easier for both your partner and yourself?
5. Talk to a Professional
If you’re still struggling to communicate with your ADHD partner, consider talking to a therapist as an individual or as a couple. They can help you find a communication style that fits your relationship while meeting both of your needs.
You might end up learning a lot more about your ADHD partner through therapy, including how difficult communication can be for them. But you’ll also learn the skills necessary to improve your communication as a couple without leaning into frustration or confusion.
There are plenty of couples with ADHD people who are happy, content, and healthy in their communication efforts. Don’t assume your relationship is doomed just because you’re struggling to communicate effectively. Help is available and can make things easier for you and your partner. Reach out to learn more about couples therapy.
