Complicated grief is an intense and long-lasting mourning that disrupts your life. After losing a loved one, especially a spouse, it's normal to feel deep sadness, anger, and yearning. But with complicated grief, these emotions don't fade over time and may worsen. They dominate your thoughts and make it difficult to carry out daily activities.
How Is It Different from Normal Grief?
With normal grief, painful emotions become less intense over the first year. While you still miss the loved one you lost, you're able to move forward. With complicated grief, the painful emotions persist without relief. You may have trouble accepting the death or feel that life has no meaning without your loved one.
Why Complicated Grief Follows Divorce
Divorce often brings up feelings of loss that can be hard to process. When a marriage ends, you lose a spouse, a life partner, and your planned future together. This ambiguous loss—the loss of hopes and dreams—can be profoundly painful.
Divorce Means Loss
Divorce essentially means loss—loss of dreams, hopes, and a shared future with someone you once committed to. For some, this loss manifests as complicated grief, which is an intense, prolonged grieving period that lasts longer than expected.
You Were Deeply Attached
If you shared a long marriage or deep emotional and physical intimacy with your ex, separating from them can be an immense challenge. The attachment you formed with them over the years does not simply disappear once the divorce is final. Severing that bond and learning to live independently again takes time and conscious effort. Don't feel ashamed if you're still grieving the end of that attachment—it's a natural human reaction.
Unresolved Anger and Bitterness
Feelings of anger, regret, abandonment, and bitterness are common in divorce. If left unaddressed, these emotions can manifest as complicated grief and stall your healing process. Speaking with a counselor or divorce support group helps you healthily work through painful emotions so you can ultimately find closure and move on. Bottling up your feelings will only make the grief more complicated and long-lasting.
Loss of Identity
For many, a marriage becomes intertwined with one's sense of self. When you commit to marriage, your sense of identity includes your spouse. After divorce, you must redefine who you are as an individual again. This process of rediscovering your independent identity can feel sad and isolating. However, it also opens up new opportunities for growth and reinvention. Focusing on self-care, pursuing your interests again, and reconnecting with friends can help establish your new identity.
The grief that comes with divorce is complex, touching on past regrets and present uncertainties. Be gentle with yourself and allow the process to unfold. With time, the pain will lessen, and you'll start to rediscover meaning and joy. Divorce brings endings but also new beginnings. There is life and love after loss.
Coping with Complicated Grief After Divorce
Going through a divorce can trigger complicated grief, leaving you with intense emotions that persist and worsen over time. This type of grief can make the grieving process feel endless. Don't bottle up your emotions. Allow yourself to fully experience the pain, anger, regret, or whatever else comes up. Write a journal about your feelings, talk to others, or find outlets like exercise. Releasing pent-up emotions will help you begin to heal.
If your grief feels too heavy to bear alone, consider seeing a grief counselor. Speaking to a trained grief therapist can help lessen feelings of isolation. Connecting with others who have had similar experiences can also help combat feelings of isolation. Look for divorce or grief support groups in your area.
If your grief feels complicated or prolonged, reach out and book a relationship counseling for individuals today. I am trained to provide empathy, advice, and coping strategies. I will also help you work through intense emotions and give you tools to ease your grief.
