There’s no question that communication is crucial for a healthy marriage. Unfortunately, communicating with a spouse who has ADHD isn’t always easy. You might feel they’re ignoring some of the things you say or not truly listening or paying attention. If you’re not effectively communicating with your partner, you will likely experience more arguments, confusion, and frustration.
However, nearly 3% of the population has ADHD, and many of those people are in happy, healthy relationships. It’s possible to fix your communication problems if both you and your partner are willing to put in the effort. Let’s look at five ways you can fix the communication problems in your marriage if you have an ADHD spouse.
1. Accept Your Differences
If your partner has ADHD, you will eventually need to accept that you have different communication styles. You will not be able to “force” them into your style. That doesn’t mean you both can’t make compromises. Once you accept your difference, you’ll be able to focus that time and energy on better understanding each other and your styles. This can lead to less conflict and more patience for both of you.
2. Don’t Make Assumptions
It might be easy for you to assume your partner isn’t listening or is disinterested in some of the things you have to say. Maybe they’re too involved in something else, or maybe they’re easily distracted when you’re talking. However, it’s unfair to make assumptions based on those actions. When you’re talking to your partner—especially about something important to you—ask questions. Ask them how they feel about it or if they have anything to add rather than making assumptions about what they’re thinking.
3. Be Specific
It’s not uncommon for ADHD individuals to feel overwhelmed and distracted when given a lot of information at once. They can also get confused if you try to talk to them in sweeping generalizations. Whether something is bothering you or you just want to discuss a certain situation, choose to be specific. The more details you can give your partner, the more likely they’ll be to stay focused. Try to avoid long stories and generalizations that could cause them to lose track of what you’re saying. Choose to make things short, sweet, and to the point as often as possible.
4. Understand You’re On the Same Team
You’re probably frustrated by your partner sometimes. That’s okay. They might even be frustrated with themselves for not being an effective communicator. That can lead to even more contention in your relationship. However, one of the best things you can do for your marriage is to remind yourself that you and your partner are on the same team. You might have different communication styles and different ways of understanding things. However, you have the same goals, wants, and needs. When you choose to focus on that, you’re more likely to communicate openly and with a sense of intimacy and trust.
5. Get Professional Help
If your communication issues are really struggling, consider reaching out to a professional. A therapist or couples counselor can teach you how to communicate more effectively in your marriage. Just because someone has ADHD doesn’t mean they don’t have the ability to be a strong communicator
. A therapist can help you and your spouse get to the root cause of your communication issues, and work on different exercises and skills you can put into practice at home to boost your communication and feel closer than ever to your spouse. If that sounds like something you’re interested in, feel free to contact me to set up an appointment for couples counseling.
